Confessions of a Remote Worker

I started writing this blog in February when I realized through conversations with other remote workers that many of us have been suffering from isolation, anxiety, and even depression. Now that so many of us are unexpectedly remote, I share this not to scare you but to bring awareness to what can happen if companies are not intentional about the different needs of a remote workforce.

Many of us have not felt we can be open about the reality of working from home because to others, it is seen as a privilege. People see us working in our pajamas, getting laundry done between conference calls, watching Netflix when we need a break and hanging out at coffee shops. Some of this may be true. However, there is another side of working from home that is hard to talk about. It is the deep level of isolation. Having routine and being included in office parties, brainstorming sessions and volunteer opportunities all support our innate need to belong. Many companies are investing in Diversity and Inclusion. Are they consciously including their remote workers?

As many of you have probably started to realize, you need to be extremely self-motivated, enjoy sitting a lot (even your bathroom break is only 10 feet away), have strong time management skills, a manager who trusts you, be skillful at setting boundaries and diligent about self-care routines that would seem weird at the office.

I am sharing my inner remote worker thoughts to help managers and leaders see what might be going on inside the minds of their employees. As a note, I was in sales for 8 of these 10 years and an entrepreneur for 2. I became one of the top sales reps working from home and am a high-achieving, highly motivated person. However, on the inside I was deeply alone, felt disconnected from my “work family”, and at times was depressed. My company did not invest much in how to effectively manage and integrate remote workers, and I don’t blame them. It took me a while to realize how much of my anxiety was linked to working from home. And, I was living alone for most of these years, so I did not have a clear cut, “the kids are home” cut off to the work day. However, I sense that having that may have only made it more difficult.

1) Guilt/Shame- Working from home feels like a privilege. My company is trusting me to get my job done when they can’t look over my shoulder. So, if I decide to take a 30-minute break to take a walk, drop something in the mailbox, or go to the grocery store, I feel guilty. What if my boss calls or emails me and I am in line at the grocery store? Will she think I am lazy, not working, not respecting her trust?

2) Addiction- When you work from home, you do have the ability to put in a load of laundry or maybe cut up vegetables for tonight’s dinner. But, I was addicted to being available, so I brought my phone to the laundry room, kitchen, and let’s face it, even the bathroom. This spilled over into my non-work time. As checking my email on my phone became my norm while doing mundane tasks, it became normal when I was with family or friends or getting into bed. Being available felt like my way to prove my value, since I was not in the office to prove it. And, it burned me out!

3) Working from home or living at work? This comes down to boundaries. My “office” was my kitchen table, desk, a hotel room (when I traveled), and my actual home office. I am a huge sunlight person, so I found I could stay in my office until the sun shifted. Then, I wanted to be in whatever room the sun was in. So, I worked all over my house. There was no energetic boundary between my life and my work. That boundary is a beautiful thing! It is healthy for our minds, our relationships, and our productivity. I realized how much I missed this boundary last fall when I was at a conference in New York City. I was staying with a friend, so I took the subway home from my day and as I walked towards her apartment, I felt pure joy! Why? Because my workday had a clear ending and now I was transitioning to home life. I had not felt that in so long and I loved it.

4) Lone Soldier- Think of the last time you got a nasty email from a manager or a client. When you were at the office you might have cleared your mind of it by talking with a coworker and getting their take on it. You release it and you feel better. When I was home by myself and that nasty email came in, I was there by myself with the email. If I wanted support, it was not as easy as turning around or walking out of my office and seeing who is available to listen for a minute. I needed to pick up the phone, have the person answer and have them be available to listen. And I did not want to be a bother. I do have the privilege of working from home, right? So, I did not pick up the phone and I dealt with it by myself which meant I carried that negative energy around a lot longer than I needed to. Or, my partner or sister would have to listen to way too much about it that night.

5) Motivation- When I found it hard to motivate,I would over-analyze my emails and to be honest, sometimes get paralyzed in thought. There was no one to bounce ideas off or interrupt my thoughts. There were times I sat in front of the computer and just felt nauseous. I did not want to look at the screen anymore, my eyes hurt, my butt hurt, and my motivation was just not there. I wanted to talk to someone and get away from the computer.

6) Lack of Work-life boundaries- I found that I did not get errands done. I would tell myself I would write just one more email and then go to the post office, dry cleaner, make a lunch date with a friend, but I rarely did. And when the end of the day came (whenever that was), I did not have the natural rhythm of “leaving the office” so I did not go then either. Think of those days you are driving home from work and you try to talk yourself out of going to the gym, but you drive right by the gym, so you go anyway. Now, imagine talking yourself into going to the gym when you have been home all day, it’s cold out, and your couch is 5 feet (or less) away and you could just make dinner instead.

7) My Body- My neck is amazingly tense, and I go to a chiropractor regularly. And I take full responsibility for this. I work on a laptop and never invested in proper home office equipment with a full-size monitor, a keyboard or a proper office chair. I would travel for work, so my laptop was a go-to, and it seemed like a pain to keep hooking it back up to a monitor. And, as I mentioned earlier, I tended to move around my house to work. The laptop made it easy to move but continued to strain my neck and eyes.

8) Lack of Engagement- I think a lot of companies are using Zoom and trying to be intentional about engaging employees and keeping “meetings as usual” to get everyone’s input. In my experience, we never used Zoom and my manager was remote as well, so I felt pretty cut off from headquarters. Decisions about new projects were made and I found out after (through an email). It was so disheartening, especially since I cared so much and produced so much. Do I think people were cutting me out on purpose? No. I think it was just easier to call an impromptu meeting with those in the office or do a quick survey with those that were nearby. But, it still stung and eventually I made the decision to leave.

So, there is a glimpse into my work from home experience. I experimented with a lot of things over the years to make it better. I will share those as well. However, I think one of the most helpful things would have been for leadership to invest in and redefine work paradigms for remote employees. I’ll go further into how they can do this in my next blog.

Here are my top suggestions for individuals adjusting to working from home:

· Incorporate movement throughout your day. Make this a non-negotiable. I shifted to a morning workout routine, which was helpful, got me to shower and get “ready” for my workday. However, a morning workout was not enough. Research shows that moving multiple times throughout the day is a much better way to combat the health effects of sitting for long periods of time. Plus, movement gets new neural pathways firing. Set a reminder on your phone every 2 hours to take a 10-minute movement break. This could be a walk, jumping jacks, lunges, yoga, dancing, whatever gets you moving. And do NOT talk yourself out of it!

· Use Time-Blocking: This method has you set your tasks for the day and assign the amount of time you will spend on each activity. For example, checking and responding to email may be your first task of the day. Set a limit on how much of the day this will take. And walk away when that timer goes off. You can set a second block to come back to your emails.

· Create Routine: This can look a few different ways. It could mean certain days are for certain projects or certain times are for meetings, phone calls, writing, responding to email. Communicate this routine to your co-workers, so they know when to best contact you.

· Turn email off on your phone (or at least the notifications)- Challenge yourself to take your work email off your phone. This way if you do go to the store or for a walk you are not taking work with you. Try it for 3 days and see how it feels. You can turn it back on if you must.

· Schedule one-on-one check-ins with your manager- Stay connected and keep the lines of communication open. This time could be weekly or bi-weekly and just a straight check in. How are things going at the office? What is the buzz around the office? As an employee, be the initiator of this and let your manager know it is important for you to feel connected.

· Schedule a weekly time to connect with your teammates- Schedule virtual lunch or coffee catch ups once a week. No shop talk, just a check in. How was your weekend? How are the kids? This may seems silly or “non-productive”. Do it anyway.

· Seek out or suggest ways you can be part of planning a team building activity. Maybe you organize a virtual team activity, or chair a leadership discussion group, book club or a lunchtime trivia group.

· Embrace that some days you may not need 8 hours to do your job. Without interruptions and workplace conversations, you are likely way more productive with your day. If you can get everything done between 10am and 3pm, notice that and give yourself space to do things that help you feel healthy like walks with friends, sign up for an online class, read a book. Some days, you will likely work 10 hours. Honor that balance.

· Daily Acknowledgements- Make it a habit of writing down at least 5 things you acknowledge yourself for. You will get much less validation working from home, so you will need to learn the value of acknowledging yourself.

I hope this is helpful for leaders and employees. Employees will need to be an active part of making the remote culture work for everyone and put effort into new routines and strategies that keep them productive. On the other side, employers will need to invest in ways to support this shift. Stay tuned for how companies can successfully shift their culture to support a newly remote workforce.

Sara Emhof is a writer, and culture coach who helps organizations and schools become top places to learn and work by building cultures that students and employees love being part of. Sign up for her blog and virtual culture building workshops at www.saraemhof.com